Dear Friends,
In just over a week, I plan to retreat as I mentioned previously. Some concerned friends of mine are trying alternate approaches to Sweden on their own, but I doubt of any breakthrough; most likely, it will be too little, too late.
A week ago, I had an interesting and soul-searching conversation over lunch with Araxie, the daughter of a survivor of the World War I Armenian Genocide. As several interesting issues, some of which have been raised by others over the years and had been thought about and responded to by me, all occurred during this conversation, I thought I should mention those here:
Araxie recalled how while growing up as a refugee in Lebanon, they found comfort in being together with their families. I was glad to hear that. While ethnic refugees are able to get on with their lives thru’ such extended support systems of peers, it’s much harder for a political refugee with a strong conscience to relate to a land with a diametrically opposite political profile.
Mention was made of several of her American friends who work marginally as tax protesters. Such a life style has no appeal to me for many reasons:
- I have no birth, family or other connection to this country, that I would have to somehow find a way to tolerate or attempt to change this;
- I prefer not to break the laws (tax laws included). There are many people who enjoy breaking laws for the sake of protest; I’m not one;
- I wish & dream to live my life to the fullest where my heart is; not marginally elsewhere.
Lastly, she lamented that I’ve been doing good things for others but not for myself. I disagreed, and pointed out that as much as I do the best for the others, I wouldn’t want to settle for anything less than the best for my heart & soul, and hence I keep holding on.
Even while being homeless and sleep-deprived I still find time and mind to do good to others. Indeed, today I donated blood for the 50th time (38 in NYC, 8 in Seattle, 4 in New Orleans).
If the world could be at least half as generous to me as I’m to it, then instead of writing these, I’d be doing something much more beneficial for me, my family & the world. Lament not for me but for this world.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Many changes, some upcoming
Hi Friends,
Sorry that I hadn't updated you in a few weeks. There were many changes, but I didn't have the time or the mind to write.
My 3-week resident volunteer stint with a group of nuns expired (as agreed) over 2 weeks ago. Since then I have been staying basically with a different friend each night. On some nights I had to spend several hours riding the Subway trains, as many homeless people here do. I have utilized this need of mine to visit many friends whom I had not visited in a while, and attended to repairing & cleaning of their computers etc. So, it has been mutually productive. Lately, the sleeping arrangements have become smoother thanks to a couple of friends who have openly welcomed me. Some have done so by overstepping their authority on the spaces that are in their custody. I sure hope & pray that no one would have to lie to help me.
Since doing so would stand in the way of helping the many friends and charities that I wish to help, I have decided not to stay in one place anyway. However, this is not an existence that I'm happily looking forward to. As some of my friends have particular technical needs from me, I plan to spend the next 3 or so weeks helping them.
Afterwards, I hope to resume my fast, possibly as a total "no food-no water" fast. That should bring a quicker temporary resolution to my existence. As a consequence of the fast, or possibly as an alternative, I hope to get hospitalized by saying things (and doing symbolic actions, if necessary) that would facilitate my admission. This I will do not as a protest of any sort, but simply to obtain a more bearable existence. With my present existence, I don't even have an opportunity to get enough rest or sleep. As I don't have the freedom that I seek, I don't wish to even pretend that I'm free. While I'm condemned to live in this country, I'd have a healthier existence institutionalized rather than out in the street.
In respect of an effort by some friend(s) to seek an employment opportunity for me in Sweden, I have finally prepared a draft of my résumé <- It's available here in the Adobe PDF format. I wish them good luck, but doubt if this path would work, particularly since I'm a stateless refugee without a passport, despite some openness in Swedish government in this regard, as reported in Sveriges Radio
As to what the future holds for me, we'll see it then. Thanks to All!
"Unlike the animals, we are blessed -or cursed- with the ability to think about the future and to fear our actions to shaping it. So essential is this to human life, that human beings cannot live without hope, without something to live for, without something to look forward to."
- Mark Searle in "The Spirit of Advent", Assembly, Volume 7:1
Sorry that I hadn't updated you in a few weeks. There were many changes, but I didn't have the time or the mind to write.
My 3-week resident volunteer stint with a group of nuns expired (as agreed) over 2 weeks ago. Since then I have been staying basically with a different friend each night. On some nights I had to spend several hours riding the Subway trains, as many homeless people here do. I have utilized this need of mine to visit many friends whom I had not visited in a while, and attended to repairing & cleaning of their computers etc. So, it has been mutually productive. Lately, the sleeping arrangements have become smoother thanks to a couple of friends who have openly welcomed me. Some have done so by overstepping their authority on the spaces that are in their custody. I sure hope & pray that no one would have to lie to help me.
Since doing so would stand in the way of helping the many friends and charities that I wish to help, I have decided not to stay in one place anyway. However, this is not an existence that I'm happily looking forward to. As some of my friends have particular technical needs from me, I plan to spend the next 3 or so weeks helping them.
Afterwards, I hope to resume my fast, possibly as a total "no food-no water" fast. That should bring a quicker temporary resolution to my existence. As a consequence of the fast, or possibly as an alternative, I hope to get hospitalized by saying things (and doing symbolic actions, if necessary) that would facilitate my admission. This I will do not as a protest of any sort, but simply to obtain a more bearable existence. With my present existence, I don't even have an opportunity to get enough rest or sleep. As I don't have the freedom that I seek, I don't wish to even pretend that I'm free. While I'm condemned to live in this country, I'd have a healthier existence institutionalized rather than out in the street.
In respect of an effort by some friend(s) to seek an employment opportunity for me in Sweden, I have finally prepared a draft of my résumé <- It's available here in the Adobe PDF format. I wish them good luck, but doubt if this path would work, particularly since I'm a stateless refugee without a passport, despite some openness in Swedish government in this regard, as reported in Sveriges Radio
As to what the future holds for me, we'll see it then. Thanks to All!
"Unlike the animals, we are blessed -or cursed- with the ability to think about the future and to fear our actions to shaping it. So essential is this to human life, that human beings cannot live without hope, without something to live for, without something to look forward to."
- Mark Searle in "The Spirit of Advent", Assembly, Volume 7:1
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